Okay. Here's lesson 1. from Savvy Authors class
The comment below is from my teacher.
'I agree with the comments, Jerry. Great imagery, and strong writing. I'm intrigued and the tension build up is perfect.
It might grab more to switch the order of your your first two sentences.
NOTE: I switched 1st 2 sentences.
A fierce hunger roiled through the vampire’s belly while he squatted on the roof of a two story house and a reddish hue formed in his eyes as he scanned the quiet neighborhood. Crystals of tiny of sparkling lights exploded in the black sky giving off a popping sound, but so far no mortal nor animal stirred.
Misa Ramirez'
Okay, here's my opening. Hope I did it justice
I've jotted down several possible titles for this MS.
1 - Renegade Vampire
2 - Templeton
3 - Bay City Vampires
Possible log line;
A detective. A renegade vampire. Will Talon be able to face the fate which awaits?
Now the lesson. Hope I did it justice
Opening
Portland, Oregon
July 4, 2010
Crystals of tiny of sparkling lights exploded in the black sky giving off a popping sound. A fierce hunger roiled through the vampire’s belly while he squatted on the roof of a two story house and a reddish hue formed in his eyes as he scanned the quiet neighborhood. So far no mortal nor animal stirred.
Movement across the narrow street caught his attention. A door opened in the two story house and a young woman in her late twenties stepped out into the cold air. “Yes,” he hissed as she locked the door. A sweater stretched over her sleek torso and a light jacket with a hood covered it. A pair of black slacks were a snug fit on her thin legs and ended at a pair of flat shoes.
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